Is There an Echo in Here?

Out loud, almost daily, I say to my children:

That’s not for your mouth.
Not for your mouth.
That’s not for your mouth, sweetie.
Not for your mouth, dear.
Let’s not eat the play dough. That’s not for your mouth.
Would you like a snack? What’s something that belongs in your mouth?
Oh, no sweetie. Don’t eat the gravel. That’s not for eating. That could hurt you.
Not for your mouth.
That’s not for your mouth, sweetie.
Not for your mouth…

And to myself (or occasionally to select girlfriends), I say, in mock cruelty:

Get that OUT of your MOUTH. It’s dog shit, for the love of God.
Have you lost your little mind?
What’s wrong with you and your little taste buds? That CANNOT taste good.
Oh. See! You just made a face! And now you’re putting it BACK in your mouth?
What is your problem? Why do you want to eat EVERYTHING?
STOP IT!!!

Since my children were born, I have fished the following things out of little mouths:

• Gravel


• Dirt


• Dog food. Lots and lots of dog food.


• Grass


• Play dough


• A guitar pick


• Did I mention dog food?


• The lid to a bottle of beer


• Pieces of a stick


• A golf ball. Yes. A whole golf ball.


• Earrings


• Lint from the dryer. (At least I think that’s what it was.)


• Dog poo poo. I know, I know. I am very, very sorry.


• Poker chips


• A hair clip


• Pen caps


• More dog food.

I am doing the best that I can.