Please Do Not Read This Entry*
My sincerest apologies in advance. What you are about to read is really bad and I'm sorry for sharing it but I can't help it. I am not one for bathroom humor or fart jokes or any of that stuff and I really do know better. I am so new to the blog scene and this is not really the precedent I want to set with what I post. But again, I can’t help myself.
This morning I was changing Alena Mae's diaper. (You may want to stop reading now.)
It was a poopy diaper but that is of no importance. I got her all cleaned up to her perfect, pink, bare bottom and was in the process of putting on a new diaper.
Then I saw a hair.
No big deal. I have long hair and like most girls with long hair, I shed. There are always loose hairs about my person, attached to sweaters, in my car, hanging from my purse, wherever. It's a part of my life.
I'm not about to close up her diaper with a hair in there. So I grabbed at it thinking I could just knock it away, brush it aside.
Not so.
I tried to brush it away but it didn't go anywhere. I flicked at it but it wasn't budging. So I grabbed it and tugged. It was stuck.
I had to pay a little more attention, but I grabbed hold of the hair and stretched it out. To find the source. The source.
Oh God.
You guessed it. It was coming out of her precious little baby butthole.
(Ugh. I am so sorry. It’s not too late to stop reading.)
So I started to pull it out. What else was I supposed to do? I can't very well leave that in there. So I pulled.
And pulled.
And pulled. Oh my God - I was like a circus clown with one of those never-ending scarves. It just kept coming and coming. But I finally got it out.
It was very long. And I'm pretty sure it was my hair. Well, it had to be. It was the right color, just my length, the right wave to it, you get the idea.
All day yesterday, she was hacking and gagging and I never knew why. I did check her mouth but found nothing. Instead of removing the offending hair from her mouth, I just kept patronizing her.
"Silly girl. What are you doing?"
I'm sure if Lena would talk, she would have said something like, "Give me a break. I'm gagging because I've got a 10 inch hair down my throut. Why don't you do something about it?" Now I know.**
So. Yeah. She passed one of my hairs.
I flushed it and got her dressed. And that was pretty much that.
*Alternate Titles for this Entry:
Best Diaper Change Ever
What I Pulled Out of My Baby’s Butt
**I forgot to mention this in my original post and my friend reminded me in her comment (because I called her immediately after the diaper change to share). How could I forget this important detail? Probably because I do not want to admit the fact that I could have avoided the event altogether with better parenting...
This morning I was changing Alena Mae's diaper. (You may want to stop reading now.)
It was a poopy diaper but that is of no importance. I got her all cleaned up to her perfect, pink, bare bottom and was in the process of putting on a new diaper.
Then I saw a hair. No big deal. I have long hair and like most girls with long hair, I shed. There are always loose hairs about my person, attached to sweaters, in my car, hanging from my purse, wherever. It's a part of my life.
I'm not about to close up her diaper with a hair in there. So I grabbed at it thinking I could just knock it away, brush it aside.
Not so.
I tried to brush it away but it didn't go anywhere. I flicked at it but it wasn't budging. So I grabbed it and tugged. It was stuck.
I had to pay a little more attention, but I grabbed hold of the hair and stretched it out. To find the source. The source.
Oh God.
You guessed it. It was coming out of her precious little baby butthole.
(Ugh. I am so sorry. It’s not too late to stop reading.)
So I started to pull it out. What else was I supposed to do? I can't very well leave that in there. So I pulled.
And pulled.
And pulled. Oh my God - I was like a circus clown with one of those never-ending scarves. It just kept coming and coming. But I finally got it out.
It was very long. And I'm pretty sure it was my hair. Well, it had to be. It was the right color, just my length, the right wave to it, you get the idea.
All day yesterday, she was hacking and gagging and I never knew why. I did check her mouth but found nothing. Instead of removing the offending hair from her mouth, I just kept patronizing her.
"Silly girl. What are you doing?"
I'm sure if Lena would talk, she would have said something like, "Give me a break. I'm gagging because I've got a 10 inch hair down my throut. Why don't you do something about it?" Now I know.**
So. Yeah. She passed one of my hairs.
I flushed it and got her dressed. And that was pretty much that.
*Alternate Titles for this Entry:
Best Diaper Change Ever
What I Pulled Out of My Baby’s Butt
**I forgot to mention this in my original post and my friend reminded me in her comment (because I called her immediately after the diaper change to share). How could I forget this important detail? Probably because I do not want to admit the fact that I could have avoided the event altogether with better parenting...
Comments
I am cackling right now. Truly.
1. You are born to blog.
2. Your blog might just become famous like a lot of those we all read. If you can blog about pulling a hair from your kids butthole, you will definitely find some readers. TRUST ME!
3. One day there will be someone who does a Google search on "long butt hair" or something equally disgusting and they will find your blog. Mark my words. It WILL happen.
HA! Thanks for the laugh and excuse me while I go upchuck now.
giggle