Why Would You Say That?

I am a writer. It has taken me years to say that to myself and especially to anyone else. It always seemed like such an important title, too important to bestow upon myself. At some point a few years ago, I decided I had earned it, if for no other reason than that is what I do. Doing it well is irrelevant, or subjective, or moot, or something. At any rate, whether I do it well is not for me to decide. I am a writer all the same.

For a while, when I said it out loud, I felt the need to clarify or justify or disclaim or pontificate on some aspect of the whole writing shtick:

“Well, I get PAID to be a technical writer,” or “I’m working on an article for a local publication right now,” or “I recently had a poem published, but you’ve probably never heard of the magazine…” or “What I really want to write is…” or “I like to write short stories…”

And these things are beside the point, inappropriate even. But all that is my baggage. These are the inappropriate things I say. Right now, I would like to complain about the inappropriate things other people say. I might have said “other stupid people” but given the surprising frequency with which people say this thing, that can’t be right.

What I’m talking about is the question, “Have you been published?” The conversation usually starts with idle chatter and ends up at some version of “What do you like to do in your spare time?” at which point I respond with, “I like to write short stories.”

And people invariably say, “Oh. Wow. Have you ever been published?”

I realize I may be somewhat sensitive, but when someone asks me this, no matter how hard I try, the following two thoughts automatically enter my mind:

“This Ignorant Asker knows nothing about creative writing or the creative process or how hard it is to publish short fiction,” and “God, I am a failure. Why the hell have I not published any short fiction yet?”

Thanks for that, you Ignorant Asker. Maybe it’s just me, but it seems that is not the nicest way to talk to your creative friends. What are the chances that they’re going to answer yes? Did you consider the odds before you asked that? To clarify further, I provide here a list of equivalent questions that the Ignorant Asker might use when asking other creative types, “What do you like to do?”

Painter: “I like to paint.”
Ignorant Asker: “Oh, Wow. Do you have anything in the Louvre?”

Photographer: “I like to take pictures.”
Ignorant Asker: “Oh, Wow. Have you ever done anything for National Geographic?”

Runner: “I like to run.”
Ignorant Asker: “Oh, Wow. Have you ever won the Boston Marathon?”

Snow Skier: “I like to ski.”
Ignorant Asker: “Oh, Wow. Have you ever skied an Olympic trial?”

Yoga Type: “I like to meditate.”
Ignorant Asker: “Oh, Wow. Have you ever studied with the Dalai Lama?”

For those Ignorant Askers genuinely interested in improving their conversation skills, I also provide here a list of more appropriate responses, at least to those who write, which still may begin with “Oh, Wow.”

• “What do you like to write?”


• “What do you like to read?”


• “Who are your favorite authors?”


• “Are you working on anything in particular right now?”

Go. Talk nice to your creative friends.