Homage to the Private Joke

Sometimes you just need to laugh. You want to. And when funny things happen, you like to retell those things, so other people can laugh with you.

Because laughing is GOOD.

But sometimes, unless you are a comic genius, you can't retell it and do it justice. Sometimes you just have to be there. Sometimes, the thing was so funny or so bizarre or so stupid, or timed so right that it can't be retold. Or I suppose it can be retold, but something important is lost in the telling, and it's not the same. It's not as good. Those things become private jokes, of a sort.

Because I am a complete and total dufus, I have made a list of these funny moments of mine and I am going to share them here with you, in the spirit of acknowledging that they exist. You won't know what most of them mean. But if you're a friend of mine, you'll know what some of them mean because you were there when they happened and are thus, part of the private joke. And even if you're not in on it, if you have a good imagination you might be able to see the humor in some of them. Or at the least, you might be able to see how peculiar, how gratifying, how funny they might have been to those with an inside track.

These are some of the memories that make me laugh really, really hard, when I really, really need it. The simple act of making this list made me cackle mercilessly until people looked at me as if I were standing on my head naked in the middle of the coffee shop. It felt GOOD. Here they are (in alphabetical order):
  • Abortion clinic happy fun-time show.

  • Calcitrel.

  • Cart's in the kitchen. Shoo fly shoo.

  • Clinchy butt cheeks.

  • Do you have a rubber band? I need a noose for Jesus.

  • Finger on the map: chugga chugga chugga chugga.

  • Finnish man struck by train door.

  • I want to smell his head.

  • I'm all... bruised and loved.

  • Mostly.

  • Oh my God. We're MAGIC.

  • Oh. Hi Victoria...

  • The goat's milk? You drank it ALL?"

  • Too tired to spit in sink; must use drawer.

  • War erupts in Gulf.

  • We're not actually dating.

  • Well-coiffed woman pushes hot dog with index finger.

  • Who do I have to sleep with to get a red pen around here?

  • You want some Gatorade?
Awesome list, yes? Did I miss anything? Can I see your list? I don’t know about you but my stomach hurts from laughing...

Complete and total dufus.

Comments

Lisabell said…
Here's another one: "thump, thump, thump, thump, thump"

(think: St. jacques)
Anonymous said…
- Tonoc
- Gotta let it dry first
- It won't fit
- Balllooo
Tamara said…
Hey! Who said that?
Anonymous said…
Me, the anonymous coward. What does it matter, all of these jokes are lost on you anyway, which is kind of the point, no?

One more: "chicks dig it".
Tamara said…
Oh my God! They are not lost on me completely. Two of them are eerily familiar. Do you know this one:
"It's getting thick in the back..."

I can't stand it! Stop this nonsense and send me an email: landoftamara@hotmail.com
Dipu said…
I don't think I should post the two I'm thinking of...
Theresa Misenti said…
How about "You have egg on your face" and "You said 'oh-oh,' not 'zero-zero'" or something like that. Those CRACK me up when I recall you telling them. Obviously I've not done them justice here.
Anonymous said…
And this is a shelf...
Anonymous said…
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